Strawberry Cake with Lucy
by pietaku
Summary: What if Natsu was the stripper, Lucy was the armour girl, Gray was the rich kid who ran away from home and Erza was the fire-breathing hothead? OCC-ness everywhere!
1. The Blond From Hell

Yo! Cams here with a new story :3

**Summary: What if Natsu was the stripper, Lucy was the armour girl, Gray was the rich kid who ran away from home and Erza was the fire-breathing hothead? OCC-ness everywhere! ONESHOT. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

* * *

**The Blond from Hell**

"NATSU! PUT ON SOME CLOTHES!" Lucy yelled. "You're polluting my cake's mind." she patted the cake with fork and proceeded to pout at her favourite strawberry cake.

"What do you mean put on some clothes!" Natsu started to say, "I am- "he looked down. He was in his full glory.

"GYAAAAAA!" he screamed, running to the nearest table and duck under it. Coincidently, the nearest table was Gray's who was just sitting there writing his novel. Natsu saw that it was just him and crawled out of the table.

"KYAAAAAA!" Gray screamed. "Natsu! Put on some clothes damn you!" he covered his face so he wouldn't have to see his little 'buddy'.  
Natsu stood up and scratched his head. "What? We're both men."

"HEY ICE BRAIN, YOU'RE FRIGHTENING GRAY!"

That was when a flaming table came flying to his face.

BAM!

Natsu fell to the ground, motionless.

Seconds later, a frozen table came flying to Natsu's attacker.

"Damn you Erza! You want a piece of me, you flaming underwear princess?!"

His attacker shot him a terriflying glare. If looks could kill, he would already be dead. She melted the damn table that came flying and got stuck on her tongue.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!"

_Dear mom,_

_Erza and Natsu are at it again._

_Lucy is there eating her cake. THEY'LL BE SO DEAD WHEN SHE'S DONE._

Gray was right. After Lucy so happily finished her last bite of cake, she stood up.  
Her eyes were glowing and the guild got dark.

"GUYS, YOU SHOULD BE RUNNING." Gray called, but of course they were too busy to care.

Lucy suddenly seemed like a giant. Slowly lifting one feet, one by one to the two idiots. She requiped herself, ironically, a devil suit that matched her.

"NATSUUUU...ERZA...PREPARE YOURSELVES!"

* * *

_Dear mum, _

_I am writing this again because Lucy made the guild explode. How she did it, is too terriflying to write. _  
_I am still trembling. I think she has killed both Natsu and Erza._  
_ She is scary yet powerful. I wouldn't like to die in the hands of her._

_That will be all, she is coming this way._

_MUM HELP SHE'S DRAGGING MEEEEE. AHHHHHHHH._

"NOOOOO!"

* * *

**Thank you for reading. That was really weird to write.**

A realllyyy short one, sorry about that ^^

Have a nice day, peeps :3


	2. So He Took Off His Bra

**HEY THERE :D**

**I am so sorry if it sucks in the end. Blame my hunger.**

**AHHHH I WANT TUNA SANDWICH AND PEPPERONI PIZZA!**  
**Ah, the odd mix.**

**Well, due to the quite huge demand, I have decided to write more of this :D (It was pretty fun to write this :3)**

**And I'll update..sometime. It'll sometimes depend on my mood.**

**Ahhh kay okay right then here's the next chapter!**

**DISCLAIMER: STILL OWNING NOTHING!**

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**So He Took off his Bra**

Gray was walking home that night. He was pretty miserable. After Lucy trashed the entire guild, she eyed the only surviving person in the room (one that is not on the floor lying on their backs) and proceeded to _spank_ him. And yes, that person was him.

* * *

He rubbed his sore butt, sobbing a little, complaining not too loudly, for he was worried Lucy might be hanging around stalking him.

"Sweet Mavis, my butt feels barbecued!" he complained softly, a vein popping.  
He imagined the hour before, Lucy was there. Lucy was laughing. Laughing evilly. Spanking him. Spanking the crying him. And it _hurt. _Oh darn Edolas, it _hurt _so much he was crying. And she was laughing. Oh that sadist.

Gray shivered. He promised himself to never think of that as long as he lived.  
He unlocked the door to his apartment, happy to finally be home.

His apartment was dark. He reached for the light switch and turned it on.

"Gray-sama!"

He knew that voice.  
It was a _certain_ blunette.

"J-Jellal?"

* * *

**A/N  
****HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh what would I give to see the look on your faces bwahhahaha.** **Well, t****his story _is_ that everyone's personalities get swapped. HAHAHAH XD**

* * *

Jellal grinned widely. "I have brought Juvia-san's bra, Gray-sama"

Gray blushed at the mention of Juvia and blushed harder at the mention of her _bra._

"Wha- , I never said- " And in a softer tone, "W-w-where is it?"

Jellal smiled, as if to say 'Hah, I knew you would give in' and stripped himself of his shirt. Then his pants.  
"Kyaaa!" Gray girly-cried. I guess he _was _expecting him to be bare naked except for the boxers, but apparently not.

Jellal was in the most unexpected outfit. He was in a sky-blue lacy bra and a matching lacy underwear. It fitted him so well, it was _urgh_. I can't even find a word to describe it. Not that it was disgusting, no, it wasn't fully disgusting. It's a bit of both disgusting and weird for him to still be so good-looking in women's underwear.

And then, he took of his bra.

"Juvia's bra, Gray-sama. Just as you requested last night when you were sleep-talking in your sleep." Jellal handed over the lacy blue bra.

Gray blushed.

"Juvia..s-she wears these provocative underwear?"

Jellal nodded. "Everyday Gray-sama."

Gray pockets the bra, grinning weirdly.

And then he realizes.

"You watch me sleep?!"

Jellal nodded. "Everyday Gray-sama."

* * *

Meanwhile,

"Has anyone seen my favourite blue bra?" Juvia asked. The girls shooked their heads. No.

Everyone from Fairy Hills were at the dorm's public bath.  
Juvia just got out of the water and wanted to put on some clothes. Apparently, her underwear were not in her locker.

_How weird, she thought. Oh well. _

* * *

Meanwhile again,

Gray was in bed. He was snuggling under his blanket. A smile on his face, a bra in his hand.

A blunette naked except for his blue female underwear was there just staring intensely at his 'Gray-sama'.

"Ah, Gray-sama~"

* * *

**Oh..kay.. That was, once again, really...weird. **

**I hope you guys won't find this too perverted. SORRY FOR BEING A HORMONE-CRAZY TEENAGER!  
Weelllll, that's that.**

**And yes, sorry if sometimes it seems, yaoi-ish. I love Yaoi, but I can't write it.. *sobs***

**Ahhh okayyy, good day minah-san!**

**Cams Out. **

***salute***


	3. You're an idiot, Gray!

**Heyy guys!  
**So I have decided to update XD  
It was fun, writing this, not planning whatever I wanted to write.. Yeah..

Sooo yeah, you guys were asking questions in the review box...and I wanted to answer them :D

Hmmm.. well, the **most possible pairing**, PSSSH I AM NOT SURE, AT ALL. But what would be a nice pairing in this story?

Anddd..no. hahaha **Jellal's not gay**. Just a little obsessed with 'Gray-sama' but not gay.. I know I made him act gay (personally, I love Jellal, so I am very sorry for making you this way, Jellal! *sob*) but no, he is not gay. If I were to get him gay, I'll get him to be gay with Natsu XD

And lastly,** THANKYOUSOMUCHGUYS!** The people here are much more kinder than the people back at wattpad :') I was a sore rotting corpse of a writer back there, even if I didn't write fanfictions..so thank you for the support!

**And now, on with the story~  
****(sorry bout the triple 'and's haha)**

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You're an Idiot, Gray!

It was a Sunday and Gray decided to stay at home. He wanted to finish his novel 'The Passionate Kiss Shared Between The Butcher's Son and The Young Maiden Which Was Seen By The Baker's Brother And Now The Brother Wants Revenge'. It was a romance, and an incredibly sad one. He cried during the first part of the book, the story was so tragic. Jack was going to have his head chopped off! And stupid Susan didn't even recognize him with the long blond wig he was wearing! And the saddest part of all? Jack was going to die...a virgin.

He took a seat on his nice, comfy armchair. He was still in his pajamas, an unbuttoned Ninja Turtles shirt and a matching pair of sweats.

Gray was just reading the part where Nathan decides it would be a pity for Jack to die sex-lessly and decides tough it up and make love with him when suddenly, the doorbell rang.

And Gray fell off his chair, muttering words like 'Sweet Mavis' and 'Dear Edolas, I will kill that lad'.

"This better be good." Gray muttered under his breath, putting the book down.

He stormed to the door, rather like how Lucy was the other day.  
I bet he was reading a steamy part when the doorbell rang.

Gray grabbed the knob and pull it.  
"Yes?" he tried very hard not to make it obvious he was pissed.

The figure in front of him was a female, not much taller than he was, with the same dark blue hair, but longer.

"Gray?"

Gray froze. And after a few short seconds, he unforze and slammed the door at the woman's face.

"Dammit Gray, I hate it when you slam the door at my face!"

The woman start banging her fists against the door.

"How could you just ignore your beloved sister, Gray!"

The woman is now kicking the door.

"Gray, you idiot!"

And then, it was just silence. How peaceful.  
Gray decided that her damn sister has gone away and returns to his book.  
He settles his butt on the soft leather and proceeds to read the next line on the bookmark-ed page.

When suddenly, it sounded like someone smashed the windows.

'Meh, must be the neighbours.' Gray thought.

"GRAYYY!"

'Someone else named Gray?"

"GRAY FULLBUSTER!"

'Dammit.'

He tore his eyes away from the book, and there his sister was. Standing on his small balcony, a chainsaw in her hands.  
Around her, were shattered glass, and blood.

"The hell you doing Ultear?! This is the 5th floor!" Gray yelled, not sure to be amazed or scared. I mean, his sister _is _holding a chainshaw's that got blood (?!) on it and to complete the whole 'I'm going to tear your limbs appart' look, she just had to have this dark aura around her.

"Your freaking sister will drag your slimy ass back to hell!"

"Err, yeah, I get that part. But why's there blood on the chainsaw?"

"Oh." Ultear stares at the chainsaw for a while and shrugs. "Dunno. The guy at the shop sold it to me at a cheap price. But I guess he didn't mention it killed loads of people, eh?"

"Sooo, you didn't bring that to kill me right?"

Ultear snorts. "Oh course not, silly!" she places the chainsaw down, gently.

Gray lets out a breath of relief.

"Oh thank Earthland, and thought you came here to kill-"

Ultear shoots a look at Gray, freezing him.

"Who said I wasn't going to kill you?"

"Wha- you- no way, y-you're kidding right?"

She cracks her knuckles and walks over to her brother.

"No, no, nooo. Don't get any closer!" Gray puts up his hands as protection.

But Ultear just keeps getting closer.

"Get the fuck awayyy!" Gray threw a pillow at her.

The pillow hit her in the face. A vein popped.

"You shouldn't have done that!"

Gray closes his eyes,

"Nooooooo!"

* * *

The Fairy Tail gang and a couple from other guilds were hanging out at the new waterpark that just opened. There, Juvia and Lyon were sitting on a bench, sipping smoothies.

"Hey, Lyon?"  
"Yeah?"

Juvia turns to look at him.  
"You've- you've known Gray for a long time...right?"

Lyon shrugs.  
"I guess?"

"Yeah..err, well.." Juvia pauses. "Erm, why did Gray run away from home?"

Lyon laughs, then chokes on his smoothie, then laughs again.

"That-" he laughs. "is all because of a _woman._"

"A woman?" Juvia raises a eyebrow.

"His sister, to be precise."

"His sister?" Juvia was quite surprised.

"Yep. He has-" Lyon pauses dramatically, "a sister complex."

* * *

**Okay...so...I'm getting awfully confused.. I forgot which character I've mixed up with which. And soooo, yeah, sorry ^^ And, today, I don't really feel pretty cheerful and stuff..so yeah, sorry 'bout the emo-drama-ish chapter... **

**Err, well.. Have a nice day? **

**CAMS OUT.**


	4. Blood, Blood, Everywhere

YOOO OKAY I'LL SHUT UP, HERE'S THE NEXT CHAPPY :3  
DISCLAIMER: **ME NO OWNNNN**

**I didn't have much time to edit ^^**

* * *

Blood, blood, everywhere.

'_That guy has a...sister complex.'_

"Gray? A sister complex?"

Lyon nodded. "Yep. Now, can we have our date?"

"Oh goodness, Mavis!" Juvia exclaimed, ignoring his question. She has done something.

"What is it, Juvia?" he asked.

She looked at him with worried eyes.

"I think the person I told Gray's address to was his sister!"

He raised an eyebrow. "You sure?" Juvia nodded.

"What does she look like?"

Juvia started to recall the coat, and the raven hair, "She had a chainsaw with her."

Lyon mouth dropped, but he quickly recovered. "Yep, that's her alright."

* * *

Lucy was in a bikini, her white one with the pink hibiscus.  
She looked over her shoulder and saw Juvia and Lyon. Juvia seemed worried. And as a fellow nakama, Lucy walked over.

"Is there something wrong, Juvia?"

"Lucy! Thank goodness you're here!" Juvia smiled and grabbed her hands.

"Come, we must hurry. Gray is in trouble!" Juvia pulled Lucy away, leaving Lyon all alone there to sob.

"But Juvia! What about our...date..' he called, but he was obviously ignored.

"Juvia? What do you mean, Gray's in trouble?" Lucy asked as Juvia pulled her out of the waterpark. They were running towards the direction of Gray's house. In their bikinis...

"I'll explain on the way!"

"B-but we're still in our swimwear?"

"There's no time!"

"B-but-"

* * *

Gray was there. He was strapped to a chair, embarrassed to the wits.  
Ultear was there, she was in front of him. She held a manuscript. Gray's erotic manuscript.

" 'Ah!' Paul cried. He could feel himself %# $6*. He inserts his $%& into her # %!. She was screaming his name. Moaning it. She grabbed his #%! and proceeds to $#^ ^&. She felt-" she read, a smug look on her face. But she was cut off by Gray's screaming.

"Okay! I surrender!" Gray cried. He couldn't take it anymore. If this goes on, this fanfiction would have to become a M-rated one.

Ultear smirked, placing the manuscript down.  
She walked closer to him, wanting to ask him a question. But Gray still had his eyes closed, his face completely red.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" someone shouted, kicking the door open. Two girls, a blondie and a blunette, both in bikinis were at the door.

Ultear sweat-dropped.  
"Err, it wasn't locked you know..."

"Oh no! We were too late!" Juvia cried. She ran over to Gray, slapping him.

"No, Gray! Don't die!" she sobbed. But of course, Gray was still in his little imaginary box of anti-embarressment which stops anything from getting through, even pain. He was absolutely red, he couldn't believe his sister read his erotic manuscript!

Lucy wanted to run to Gray too, but she slipped. She rubbed the sore spot and looked for that little piece of crap so she could kill it. It was a _manuscript._

A manuscript? she thought. She picked it up and read it.

Few minutes later, her entire face was red. And not long after, she was on the floor, a little fountain of blood spurting from her nose.

Juvia looked over at Lucy, then at Gray.

"Oh no! The both of them are dead!" she cried. She stared at the raven-haired girl, who was sipping on tea.

"It was because of you!" Juvia accused.

Ultear raised an eyebrow. "M-me?"

"Yes!"

"You've got it wrong, sweetie!" Ultear tried to reason with her.

"This is for Gray and Lucy."

"H-hey, it's no need for-" she stammered.

"Water Nebula!"

And the water from the lake in front of Gray's house came crashing in.

* * *

"Ah...so you weren't trying to kill Gray?" Lucy asked as soon as things got better. Juvia was ashamed of herself and is sobbing on the roof. Gray was still in his box, but still quite alright if you don't count the red marks on his cheeks.

Ultear sighed, a cold towel wrapped around her head.  
"It was that idiot's birthday. But he wouldn't let me know his address, or which country he lived in, or which guild he goes to." she took a moment to look at his idiotic brother. "He just never liked parties, or surprises. Good Mavis, he wouldn't even let me give him a present!"

"And..the chainsaw?"

"Oh." she looked at the bloody weapon, and wiped it clean. "I just always had this weird hobby of collecting scary weapons."

Lucy nodded, that explains it all.  
From the window, a blunette climbs in.

"Ultear-san? I am extremely sorry!" Juvia bowed at her.

Ultear smiled.

"It's alright, Juvia-san."  
She tells Juvia to raise her head. Juvia smiled, and thanked her.

Then, Gray gets out of his imaginary box. Great timing, goddammit.

"Wha-what's going on-"

Gray passes out again, a fountain of blood spurting from his nose. I guess two girls in bikinis and his sister with her clothes torn in the most unappropriate parts much have been too much for him.

* * *

**Okay ~ So, I guess that's about it!  
Sorry if it was bad, it felt pretty bad to me. I was rushing ^^**

**I'm going to Hong Kong, people! In a few hours xD**

**Have a sweet blood-dripping-out-off-your-noses-from-the-lemonness/yaoiness/yuriness-free day!**

**camsout**


End file.
